untitled

The misshapen carcass of our dinner sat neglected upon the table, forgotten by each of us as we were dragged unwillingly into our own morbid thoughts. Three miserable hearts, beating a single disconsolate cadence which gripped the silence like a butcher, threatening to cut it to wretched fragments. Each of us knew the force of the emotions which permeated the room, and it was at that moment that I hated myself most vehemently. Every hope and cogitation that slipped through my perception was tainted with ecstasy, with despair, with passion, and with unmitigated fear. I was at last to commit myself to that final act of which I had dreamed for so many years. No longer to be bound by that fetid stalemate.

The first drops of rain fell hesitantly against the clouded window, tapping shyly against the glass; in that moment of imbalance I came to appreciate the strange contrast between the deathlike muteness of peace and the grandiose disorder of the tempest which would soon split the sky. The reprieve which the sound granted me was like a shot of morphine, tearing me away from the stagnation, the bête noire which so haunted me.

I lost myself in it, letting my soul wander between the gentle rapturous sensations, the radiance of the storm. Waltzing blissfully with the suicidal torrents as they fell towards the earth. The impact their finale, the lightning their encore. No conductor ever had such an orchestra as I at that moment. Each drop of rain a single violin, resonating in perfect harmony with its trillion counterparts; each clap of thunder a brilliant staccato of triumphant brass. I was in a state of euphoria.

It was at that moment that something inside of me snapped. The last vestiges of restraint which I had for so long guarded were ripped mercilessly in two by virtuous fury. My heart, until then still swept up in that bitter cadence of lost romance at last tore free, soaring up to take its place in the chorus of the heavens. My heart and soul and the storm became one and from every inch of our existence we bellowed out with wrath.

From my lips the godlike howl exploded into the room. I saw for a moment their eyes looking up at me, wide with amazement.

Their eyes, no pain has afflicted me greater sorrow than the memory of their eyes.

_{"Anything, anything would be better than this agony of mind, this creeping pain that gnaws and fumbles and caresses one and never hurts quite enough"}